she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
