I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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