Sry I called you an 8
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
