Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
