Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
