cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
