For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
