I can tuck mytits in my pants
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
