brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
