Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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