Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
