____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
