Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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