this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
