He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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