Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
