Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
