a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
