Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
