i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
