I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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