I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
