The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
