she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
