What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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