my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
