JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
