I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
