drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
