Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
