haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
