Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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