U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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