he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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