i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
