you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
