Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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