just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize