I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
