They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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