we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
