I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
