Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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