I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
