i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
