So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
