He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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