I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
