...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
