my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
