there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
