Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
