If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i out mim tonsoeep
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