my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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