it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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