I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
