roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
