i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
