You made me cry and you don't even care
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He felt like a one man threesome
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
