i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
