Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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