bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
