i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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