i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
