ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
