new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize