The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
