Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
