its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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