I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
its liver damage thursday
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
