JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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