i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
