turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
