My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
