I could have mohawked her pubes.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
