mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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