All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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